I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
