its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
