Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am available for nakedness
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
