I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
