Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
