I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
