This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
