Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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