they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
