Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
