Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
