Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
