she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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