I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
