There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
