They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
