STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
