Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
