I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize