too bad you live with your parents still
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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