Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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