you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
