i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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