Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
