..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
