if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
