careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
