I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
