Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
