smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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