dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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