Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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