somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
