Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
