I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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