There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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