my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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