I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
