my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
