Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
