Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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