If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
