ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
