are you still at the devil's house?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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