I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We named our party play list daddy issues
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
