I am in a vortex of obligation.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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