im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This house was built for laser tag.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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