So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
