JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
