oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
