Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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