I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize