i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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