Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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