you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
