Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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