Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
