too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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