I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
