Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize