Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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