Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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