Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
