apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
