As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
