....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
vagina is talking i cant
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
