i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We named our party play list daddy issues
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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