you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
