Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
