i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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