she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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