She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
