do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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