He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He felt like a one man threesome
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
