I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
pray to the hookup gods
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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