but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
