I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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