I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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