you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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