your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
