I want to make a zoo with you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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