Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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